Not good enough

I've always wanted to do my best in things that the majority of people can do. Unfortunately, I have an abnormal tendency to screw up simple things such as making careless mistakes in an exam even though I checked it over and over again. Even though I learn from my mistakes, there will always be a problem that didn't exist the previous time. Furthermore, sometimes I forget even the simplest of things and sometimes the most important things of all. This usually leads to misunderstandings about my attitude and losing  the trust and loyalty from people I care about. I choose not to volunteer myself in things a normal human being would be able to do because of the fear of not being good enough and making mistakes that could have been avoided very easily. I guess you can say that I care about what others think about me more than what I think of myself. I often do this to prevent arguments or when meeting new people. I try to fit in as perfect as possible so that I can ensure peace and prevent even a speck of casualties. Sometimes I pretend so much that I forget to be myself again even if nobody is watching. I try so hard to ensure that everyone sees me as their light in the dark, the cure for their pain and, most of all, the person who did their best no matter the consequences. In my perspective, happiness is knowing that you did your best, straight down to the limit. I am waiting for the day that I can finally say "I did my best".